I understand that people express love and experience relationship in different ways, and I am happy that we are moving forward and accepting new forms of relationship dynamics.
What I do have a problem with is the monogamy bashing. I have been made to feel un-enlightened, prudish, ignorant and naive because I have realized I cannot be in a polyamorous relationship. I've tied an open relationship on more then one occasion and it didn't work. I had absolutely no desire to be with anyone else when with someone I loved. I was confused because I couldn't understand how, if the other person loved me as much as I did them, they'd still feel that they had to pursue other relationships and vice versa... its a philosophical difference... we loved differently and both struggled to understand the other person. Exhausting!
I also found East Van's polyamory scene very male-centred (in comparison to the scene in the West End or Kits) A good friend of mine who is poly and a man said it very frankly. There are a lot of really amazing, beautiful, talented women in East Van, and not that many comparable men (sorry guys). So men have their pick and women scrounge and make compromises to be with one of the few men available. Many women are not communicating their needs and are feeling pressure to be involved in something they are not comfortable with because of this new reverse-oppression when it comes to monogamy.
MONOGAMY-HATE:
I am not stupid. I honestly feel that I am being oppressed because of my monogamous relationship preference. I've been told that I am ignorant and naive. That I am jealous and not comfortable with my sexuality (which is a complete fucking JOKE) and that I am limiting myself...
I have never, ever bashed polyamory. It works for a lot of people, and I am glad that it has lost a lot of its stigma in our community; however, I don't think its fair to trample all over anyone who is not polyamorous. Its hurtful and unfair.
Its difficult enough to find a partner without being made to feel like you are an idealistic fool.
I'm a serial monogamist. And I like it. I like having intense, one:one experiences with someone. I don't have the energy to pursue multiple relationships because I like to put all of my energy into the one relationship that I am in. And its awesome. Its passionate. Its exciting... and there is nothing wrong with it. I don't believe in happily ever after or that people don't cheat on each other... I just like being with one other person. That's it.
So for all you poly people out there - I'm happy for you. Just don't make me feel like I'm a conservative, jealous, small-minded prude if you find out I'm monogamous.
Much love - for everyone in whatever form you find it! Stop the hate!
xoxo
- Location: East Vancouver
- it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests
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