Lynne, Lynne, Lynne...
I have thought of you enormously these past few years. We last spoke in 2006 and it was not pretty. I'm delighted that you're doing so well for yourself, although I wish you still lived out east.
If we lived in the same city (or same neighborhood, as we did before) I would take you out for a drink or a coffee--with no ulterior motivation--just so that I can sit across from you, look you in the eyes, and honestly say: "I'm sincerely sorry for treating you so badly. You are a fantastic, smart, sensitive, passionate, sexy, funny woman, and you deserve a great companion. I failed you miserably. I was not honest with you. I was not honest with myself. I made you feel terrible. I'm truly sorry. Please accept my apology."
I know that I can never fully explain my treating you so badly. But I want to say a few words in that direction. My relationship with my girlfriend at the time--she became my "ex-girlfriend" not long after you and I exploded into pieces--was an enormous trauma. I never opened up to you about it, although maybe I gave you an inkling now and then. Before you and I met, I had supported my ex through a very bad breakup and we found ourselves in an extraordinarily unhealthy situation, she being completely dependent upon me. The entire situation was compounded by my miserable working hours. My ex and I were simply bad for each other--bad, bad chemistry--and I should have had the courage to break up with her long before meeting you.
Upon reflection, I was in a fragile emotional place when I met you, and I couldn't open myself up. Lynne, I wish I met you after I untangled myself from my ex. I'm now with someone great -- and I love her dearly. I'm not looking for anything with you, but to say that I'm so damn sorry.
Maybe you'll be having some doubts if it's me or not. Hopefully this will help: I remember your upstairs apartment vividly, it was warm and so very inviting on those cold late nights. I also remember our first drink at the Oak.
- Location: Bronson/MacLaren
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